Monday, 2 February 2015

Ahead Warp Factor 9 - My Weekend with Will

Suffolk: The final frontier 

This is the voyage of the Space Cadet, SUTEKI

His 5 minute mission To explore strange new trees 

To seek out new artists and new civilizations 

To boldly go where no man has gone before!


There was a mixture of excitement and trepidation when I boarded the SS Zafira and warped my way to the uncharted star system of Suffolk 1, a distant and rarely explored area of the Bonsai Galaxy. Although Ipswich is classed as a type M City, the technology was such that we had to use a space dock rather than the usual transporters. The landing party was greeted with a terrible rain storm (fairly standard I understand for the outer reaches of the planet) but warmth and sustenance were soon supplied to this intrepid traveller although if you want pizza, order it a week in advance! 

Will and I met at the Academy, Will majoring in “hand-to-hand combat” with a Makita, and I was still in my early years of training trying to master the arts of drinking, talking shite and not falling down! We soon become close friends, not in a “gay” sort of way, and have long debated into the night about “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” in the Bonsai World (but that’s another story). We kept in contact and met at the odd convention (and some were VERY odd!) but I received an interesting sub-space transmission on star date 011020.14 with news of a very interesting upcoming mission. Due to ripples in the space-time continuum it was only now that I had the resources to tackle this overdue challenge. 

“Will’s Walrus” is a tree known by a few, and despised by many, which has been a tree of my dreams and nightmares. Brought for me as a joke at a Club auction by a friend as a Shohin, Will has battled this demon twice before whilst I tried to tame it with scissors. As can be seen from the following transmitted images growth is somewhat rampant but tameable with the correct training. As I struggle with deciduous trees (as well as Evergreens) I decided that I desperately needed help from Ambassador Baddeley “one more time”. 

Feeling as nervous as a fresh Starfleet Security guard in his nice red top knowing he’s gunna get it before the end of the day from a big green blob, or even worse the local inhabitants, we talked about the way forward. Will, in his soft Vulcan tones, explain the basics and importance of branch selection and pruning that even a rookie like me could understand. Due to years of neglect there was plenty of trimming to do (almost enough for a new Hobbit home) and wiring the entire tree. Whilst Will replicated our rations I went at the task of wiring full of vigour (well, for at least the first half an hour anyway) and upon his return Will started cleaning the deadwood on the front of the tree. We made quite a team with his “whiz, whizzing” and my “puffing and blowing” but finally, under the watchful gaze of Will’s pet “Prant”* the hard work was done. Far from being set “straight” on to the path of inner enlightenment it was time to experience the twisted inner magic of the “Baddeley Branch Meld” making meticulous branches the like that Tim Burton would be more than proud of – the results, as you can see are spectacular! 

The starting point

During the "Branch Meld"
Happy "Vulcan"
"Tim Burton-esk", a moody finished picture

Now, with the natural light fading fast, there was just time to examine the interesting “creatures” that reside in Will’s hydroponics area before more refreshment and another adventure before the day was through.

(*A cross between Predator & an Ant)

...................... to be continued!

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